Your $$$

This post seems even more appropriate as the government prepares to vote on whether to continue funding the arts in this country.

Now, I may have omitted a couple things as they apply, or do not apply to Passion. Things like royalties, which do NOT need to be paid because this adaptation is original and the writers of the Bible are looooong gone.

What your money does:

$25 pays one day's salary to a tech operator (sound, lights etc.) That's about $8/hour.

$100 pays for 2 nights of donkey rental. (yes, I need the donkey. He came into Jerusalem on a donkey!)

$200 pays for costumes. (I am borrowing most of them.)

$300 pays one non-union actor for the run of the show. (That includes all their rehearsal time and 12 performances. This amount should be MUUUUUUUCH higher, but it's the going rate in St. Louis. Probably works out to about $1.50 an hour. Puh-thetic.) There are at least 10 of these actors in the show.

$500 pays the marketing person. They are responsible for getting out press materials to radio, TV, newspapers, etc. They also direct market target audiences with flyers, emails and phone calls. This is a ton of work and when all is said and done, they might make $3/hour.

$1400 pays the salary of a union actor for three weeks of rehearsal and 12 performances. Quite a difference from the other actors listed before. Union actors make about $11 an hour - yes, it is sooo glamourous!

$2300 would pay for the printing of the programs. This amount also includes the design fee.

$3000 pays for the music director. That's a goocher for sure but a good one can make or break the show. They get about $30 an hour and between $75 and $100 per performance.

Here's some other things where price can widely vary:
Playwright's fee (yep, that's me. Over 200 hours of work already. Payment so far? Goose egg.)
Director's fee
Venue rental (don't get me started!)
Man hours for marketing, publicity, set/light/costume design, load-in, strike, getting and returning borrowed things.
Multitude of other tasks which seem so small they almost don't seem worthy of writing down but are nonetheless, essential.


You can often find people who will volunteer and that's fantastic. But Passion is conceived for professional actors and designers. You pay everyone else to do things - clean your house, fix the clog, put on a roof, tune your piano, do your nails, make your coffee. Artists deserve to get paid also and SHOULD get paid more than a pittance. That's another blog site entirely.

So that's a glimpse of what is needed for Passion.

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets.
I have come not to abolish but to fulfill."  Matthew 5:17
The above was from the gospel this past weekend and it has been sitting in my mind. To me, this makes it abundantly clear that Jesus was not brought on this earth to start a new religion (Christianity), but to revise the old laws and make them 'modern.' In fact, nowhere in the four gospels can you find the word Christians or christianity. Not until letters written by Paul, does this word come about. This is something I have been trying to get across to those who do not share my faith (in an organized religion sort of way.) Jesus was NOT about ushering in a new religion or forsaking the Jewish people cuz his Father said so. This is the way I have tried to go about this adaptation as well.

Now Matthew is the most Jewish of the bibles. His book gives lots of insight to Jewish customs and ceremony. In fact, most of the gospels, with their telling of the story, seem to assume that many people would be of the Jewish faith and have an understanding of celebrations and laws, so much so that as a believer 2000+ years later, I can get a little lost. Little things that get left out or remain unexplained to me in my christain worshipping because they are inherently Jewish. Take the liturgy of the Eucharist: in my mass, the priest says, "On the day he was given up to death, a death he freely accepted, He took bread and gave thanks."  Whaaaaaa?  It isn't bread. It isn't supposed to be bread. Unleavened bread is really like a cracker and I'm pretty sure it's not called bread. So why do the Christians call it bread instead of what it was  - matzah? And why aren't we told what he said when he gave thanks? Pretty sure it's a Jewish prayer over the matzah, so, of course, my church leaves that out.

As the Catholic Church gets ready to embark on a whole plethora of changes, I really hope that it will return to Jesus's teachings, and not what bishops and popes have deigned "the truth." Recently, even the word Yahweh has been replaced in songs because apparently, using that Jewish word for God is offensive? To whom - Jews? Try singing that old fave, "Yahweh, I know you are near..." Nope. Now it's "O Lord." Whatev.

OK. I'm rambling a bit. The essence of what I'm trying to say is that Passion is adapted from Bible with historical information to back it up. Specifically, Jewish prayers and customs that Jesus would have taken part in. Let's face it: Jesus was a Jewish man with a Jewish mother and Jewish friends. That's why the scribes and the Pharisees and the Sanhedrin got all up in his grill. If he wasn't Jewish, they wouldn't have given two hoots about what he was saying. He would have been considered a gentile or Roman quack. But the very fact that he was Jewish was what was alarming to them. I wonder those in the Jewish faith even think about Jesus as one of their own. Hmmmmmmm.

Although the quote from above comes from early in Jesus' ministry, I think I may have to move that into the Last Supper scene. According to John, Jesus was a chatterbox at the Last Supper, reminding the disciples about everything that he'd taught them in the last three years, so I don't know why this couldn't qualify.

Can I get an Alleluia?

Yes, I know, it's usually an "Amen" but I don't need one of those. And more accurately, I need a Hallelujah. An uptempo, glorious Hallelujah that is in 4 parts. A Glee Hallelujah would be fantastic!

Let's face it, you can't celebrate that He Is Risen with some crappy dirge-like piece of music. And  I don't want to bogart Handel's Messiah's Hallelujah chorus. So, I'm on the hunt! Suggestions are welcome.

Thanks to those who continue to ask about Passion. It really gives me a lift and these days, I am so grateful for that.

My friend Bill, who has the most wonderful insights, emailed me today about the relationship between art and commerce  - oh what a complicated thing that is! Money, in all things, is simply a way to trade things. And in the words of Dolly Levy, "Money, pardon the expression, money is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow." So here's to the money that will arrive to make the vision of Passion a reality! And here's to the people who will send money for the creation of art!

If you wanna know what money means to art, tune in later this week for a list of what exactly your money can do.

Big things sometimes need big packages

In reflecting on comments made regarding Passion in the last few months, here is some of what I recall:

It's too big.
Scale it back..
Pare down.
It's overwhelming.

Given my state of mind these days, if there were positive comments made about the size of the project, they are buried deep within my subconcious and I do not recall them.

Here's the thing: this is a huge project. It was conceived on a huge scale, meant to reach a large amount of people, needs a fairly big cast, will require probably thousands of hours to complete. To quote Jack Lane: She Big!

I've been rereading my Julia Cameron book The Artist's Way, particularly an early chapter about regaining our integrity as artists and how uncomfortable that change can be. She even proposes that as our artist within changes, we might find clothes fitting funny, changes in musical preference occuring and a litany of other concrete, tangible changes. And that as this process happens, we see with more clarity, more fully divine our purpose and find illusions shattered. This explains, at least a bit, what has happened to me. Now I could never fully get a handle on her morning pages, I preferred to call them daily pages - they got done at some point during the day. But as I wrote yesterday, what I need as an artist began coming into focus. Passion came into focus more, and I really thought I had already done a ton of work on it.

She also speaks of abundance and our unlimited supply of it if only we will be present and attentive enough to details to see it. This is how I see Passion. There is an abundance in this work: in the volume of people to reach, in the overreaching arc of the music, in the size venue it should be performed in, in the number of costumes required, etc. I am over thinking that the size of the project is a negative.  It's a load of work, to be sure, and I've already succumbed to the drowning sensation once - I expect that to happen again - and I will pick up and continue. Moving forward. Big is great! Vast is exciting. Overwhelming doesn't have to be negative. While I envision big things, there is a finite end, a cut-off. I am, after all, not God. 

For now, my goal is to reach about 2000 people with Passion. That's totally doable. The Muny seats like 25,000 a night! Would I object to more than 2000? No way. Bring on the abundance!

waiting for the light

Disappointment. Some say you have to learn to live with it. I will tell you, it is not a fun place to live, not even for a little while. This project is important to me so I will start with the good news. I attended a small soiree last night and got to chatting with Henry Schvey, a local music director who I did Unbeatable with. Now Henry is a musical genius, educated at Julliard, but sometimes he's so far above my head, well, I think he's high. Anyhoo, we got to talking about Passion and I mentioned to him my good fortune in finding the piece of Britten music I wanted for the crucufixion scene. It's in a crazy time signature and would make people very uncomfortable because you can't really settle into it in a 4/4 or 6/8 way. (sorry for the musical terminology). He said, "with Britten you have to sing through the phrases, that's why the meter is in 5, not 4. No one will care what you sing if you pound it out to the time signature. You have to let the text be your guide." Yeeesssssssssss! Thank you so much Henry. It reminded me of when I was in grad school choreographing Mungojerry and Rumpleteaser from Cats, I could not figure out the timing of the chorus cuz it was in 9 or something like that, and the head of the dance dept, said, "choreograph to the phrases, work through the text." Great words of wisdom when I wasn't even watching for them.

OK, disappointment.

I have been disappointed in my son. He's not the student I'd like him to be. But grades aside, he is: kind, completely non-judgemental, young, and sensitive. He is not mean spirited, he's not tricky (except for soda stealing from the basement),  He is a really great kid - and I know of what I speak. The thing I hated most about receiving his report card was that I was going to be disappointed in some of those grades and that FEELING would set in. It's yucky. It's a big, fat lump of blech. And for whatever reason, sometimes it lasts for me longer than it should, working in a big way, on my motivation to do anything other than sit and stew. I am unmotivated to DO anything: to cook, to clean, to exercise, to read, to explore. It's a huge wet blanket on my creativity.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I do things. I get things done. I make it work (thanks Tim Gunn). I have, more than once, been called a 'dynamo.' I like to be doing 10 things at once. I thrive on checking things off my list when working toward a goal. As I said before, disappointment is not a good place to live. So it requires action on my part. For my son, it's making the effort to help study for a test, or check his homework, because I feel like I can actually make something out of the pile of disappointment. But this time, this artistic disappointment is consuming me and I just want to wallow in the blech. And I have to process this in order to reach the other side. Unfortunately, I think the journey is going to be much longer than the run-of-the-mill disappointment over crappy grades.

Ultimately, the journey may involve carefully cutting away what isn't helping me anymore. That's the kind of action I need to take to move forward. In my professional life, I react for a living. In my personal creative life, I need to act, not react. JUST MAKE A CHOICE. It's the actor's mantra. It may not be the best choice, but you have to at least make one to begin to move forward and on to the next thing. There is a freedom, a release, in knowing that at least I took action and did not simply react to the situation. It gives me a sense of control that is vital to the way I operate as a human. Now, I know I'm not in charge here and things happen exactly the way they are supposed to, and I admit that I am suckish at relinquishing all control. I wish I was the person who blew with the wind instead of standing firm and facing it head on - things would be so much simpler. I will also admit to being stubborn, sometimes to the point of not being able to see another point of view. Rather like when I had a hard time seeing that God's answer to Passion was "not now." I am, infrequently, a gut person. But now I have that feeling in my gut and it's requiring me to be proactive. 

As I figure and reconfigure Passion, I know the end result will be a production that was inspired by God, and fine-tuned by me (with additional help from God). When I taught at SLU, I used to tell my students to take what they needed from the class and throw the rest away, or file it away for another time. We don't need everything all the time. And to find "the wings to fly" we need to cut away what is dragging us down. God wants this because I want it. And I have to take some responsibility for making myself worthy of his belief in me.

Finally, I will have to come to terms with disappointing others (another poopy feeling) and/or possibly angering them. I HATE to be a disappointment to others. (Remember when you did something totally irresponsible in high school and knew you were going to be reamed by your parents, only to have them tell you they were so disappointed in you and your choice? Aaaarrgghhhhh! You just wanted them to yell, or ground you - do something other than thwack you with the resounding thud of being the one who gave them that feeling.) In the end, I will have to live with my choice. And by live, I mean continue to move forward, doing things.

I will do things today. I will walk at the mall. I will eat healthy. I will make the decisions that allow me to move forward.

For everything, there is a season

Passion has been postponed. There. It's out there. Am I disappointed? You betcha. Am I down for the count? No way, Jose.

To my surprise, Passion is seasonal and therefore cannot be done during Easter season. Easter is the time for celebration and bringing Passion to Easter season is like getting a Valentine in March - bad timing.

I was fortunate enough to speak with my friend Alice today, who I never see enough of, and was able to tell her all the things I see for Passion - really fill her in on the vision. My cheeks are still flushed from the excitement of telling her and she was excited also. She wants to be a part of this, even if we have to wait to do it.

And there's still LOTS of work to be done, which is why the answer was, "not now." I do not expect my excitement to wane, or my vision to get clouded over. And now I have more time to speak to people like Alice and explain my concept. I have more time to get funding, to speak to groups, to find the best possible venue.

I am not a fan of failure or quitting. I don't think I have failed, in fact, similar to taking an exam, I've been given more time to succeed. And even if I did fail in getting it produced, I have failed forward. I sure thought about quitting, but how do you quit your artistic creations? It is simply not an option to quit this idea. It's too important both as a testament to my faith and as a timeless story to be told. I will even return to some ideas I had already discarded because I now have more time to make them come to fruition.

So now it's out there.

tracking the tracks

Tracking is a concept my dear friend Ellen Isom clarified for me years ago while doing the Full Monty at Stages. Everyone in the cast has a track: it's who you are from scene to scene. It's not generally a huge deal if you only play one role but it is especially helpful a person plays multiple roles. So, when an understudy has to go on, they can fill in their "new" track and others can see how they are going to fill in the spots in the understudy's original track. Clear as mud, right?

Today I spent about an hour and a half going through the script tracking all 13 performers. Jesus has the easiest track -he never has to be anyone but Jesus, no quickie costume changes for him! However, there are some others that will have to be quick-change artists of the highest degree. (If you saw me in Unbeatable last fall, you get the idea: 15 seconds to be a different person in a different costume, with a whole different character.) And seriously, Jesus will be the only one who's sitting pretty all the time. I was actually three scenes past Pilate when I realized, "uhhh, where is Pilate? who is Pilate? crap, I need Pilate." Probably better for me to have done it in pencil. Lesson learned.

To ease some of my stress, I know mostly how this piece will be cast and that's extremely helpful. However, given the size of our ensemble, we need to fill approximately 4 roles. I'm talking to a friend this week and trying to convince another SATEist who moved back home to NY to come back (she's the reason I was like, "where in the world is Pilate?!" So that leaves two roles to be filled. Feel free to forward suggestions! And if they were of the male persuasion that would be AWESOME because we are heavily laden with chicks. But in all honest, I don't care if they are girls are boys because SATE shows are about bodies in space - not parts.