This is the last of three entries that have been on my mind for the last month. Below are excerpts from my response to a friend's email regarding producing Passion. Be warned, it is fairly long.

You always write the most thoughtful and insightful things. I take no umbrage at answering your questions and feel no provocation, at least not in the negative sense. If you've provoked my thinking -  fantastic! I'm happy to illuminate as best I can, my reasons, my vision, my goals.

The thing that struck me first from your email was the ackowledgement of my Catholic bias. You're absolutely right, I am steeped in Catholic doctrine, at least knowledge of it. I don't think I'm a very good Catholic when in comes to following all of it and I was so grateful for Dianna's input when I had her to bounce ideas off and theories around.

I am, in fact, probably much more in line with the Protestant (Reformation?) thinking about my relationship with God and Christ than what the Catholic church puts forth. As I said in a blog post, my bible reading was sorely lacking in my formative years. Yes, I know many stories but as far as the contrasts put forth between not only the four gospel writers, but the whole idea of the God of the Old Testament and the God in the New Testament, well that's relatively new to me and I'm fairly sure I have not actually reconciled the whole thing in my head.

Ironically enough, Matt just bought me a 24-lecture course in Lost Christianities and the speaker talks at length about those differences (OT vs. NT) and even more about how factions of Christianity in the 400 years following Jesus' death, had widely differing opinions - even more pronounced than today's group of denominations. Some things he puts forth include the question of belief in the divinity/humanity of Jesus and the question as to whether, as a believer, to keep or abandon Jewish laws and customs. I'm not all that many lectures in but it sure is intriguing.

To look for a Catholic church as a venue ( the second biggie of your email for me) poses some issues. First, Catholics are, in general known for some of the strictest doctrine. The church and it's proponents can be very judgemental (Catholic guilt?) and while you can find priests who are fairly modern and forward thinking, they ultimately have to answer to the chain of command. Technically speaking, I never been inside a Catholic church with stage lights and projection screens. I need those things.

One of the main reasons I wanted to adapt Passion directly from the bible is because it takes denominations and doctrine out of the picture. No one can tell me I included something trivial (really? from the Bible?) and excluded something supremely important. If I were adapting the entire ministry of Jesus, maybe, but I'm pretty sure I'm hitting all the high notes in the passion story. And really, the story I'm telling does tend to focus on Christ's humanity because that's what's accessible to us humans. There is no "God" mic, no angels, no supernatural, unless you count Jesus still being amazingly ALIVE to even experience the crucifixion after the torture and beatings inflicted upon him. So, a belief in religion, in a denomination, or even whether he really walked the earth isn't necessary to be moved by the story. For me, it's the story of a man.

And if, in telling this story I'm evangelizing, than so be it. I find it more palatable than someone spewing doctrine and rules at me, telling me if I don't fit certain criteria, I am not one of God's children and I'm destined for Hell. I think a great majority of people could use a little more spirituality, a little humility, a little compassion. But I've no compunction to aid them in their journey (other than the play) or lead them to one denomination or the other because I do believe that the most important thing is the one-on-one with God, Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, the Universe, Whatever. If one is content in life and it's one filled with integrity, generosity, humility, compassion and love, then who the hell am I to tell them they've got it all wrong?

Somewhere in the scheme of things, we need those big, confident, gregarious evangelists (Simon Peter) but I don't see Jesus as one of them. He lived his life on the fringes of society; he was abundantly blessed but possessed no hubris; and he didn't damn people who didn't believe in him.

The final thing that hit home in your email, was to take my time, a la the Sistine Chapel. And again, so insightful, you are right on target. As difficult as it was for me to cancel the piece this past January, it was absolutely the right thing to do. I had no desire to minimize, compress, or bare bones the story. And moreoever, I couldn't - not technically, not without losing my integrity.

I am confident I will produce Passion with my story and vision intact. I will find the perfect venue. It will be a huge success artistically and financially. I just need to be patient and wait for the pieces to fall into play....place.

Thank you for always giving me the opportunity to explain my choices and for making me really think about why I made them.

conservative v. intolerant

Man, I just lost this whole post so let's see if I can recreate and perhaps be a bit more succinct in recreating it.

Most small towns are conservative. The smaller the number of people, the more rules, the narrower the parameters for what is considered acceptable. Now, there may be crazy liberal towns (like Las Vegas) but that's actually a world-class city. I'm talking small, usually rural, towns. Living in a small town, as I have been for the last few weeks, I can almost always use the word conservative interchangeably with intolerant especially when conversing with religious types. (yeh, weird how I don't really put myself in the "religious type" category although I am Roman Catholic and currently writing a blog about my thoughts on faith and the Passion of Christ!)

I understand conservatives. I am married to one, my best friend is one, you get the picture. But I am pretty much a bleeding-heart liberal. I like to help people, feel a civic duty to do so and like to think I'm open-minded about how people live their lives. (In all honesty, I could not care one hoot about people's sexuality or preference and hope they are not sitting around thinking about mine.) But I know some folks who've made choices I would not have made for myself and dangit, they are still wonderful people.

But this small town thing has got me scratching my head. And the list of unacceptable things keeps getting longer: they drink, they're gay, they are having sex, they don't go to church, they cuss (guilty, Lord, guilty, guilty, guilty) they say off-color jokes, they are actors. But the biggest one has got to be that "they" don't live their lives like we do, believe in the same things we do, behave in the same ways we do, love who God says is acceptable." And when those things are accompanied by "cuz Jesus said so," I can barely speak.

Let's get some things straight: Jesus was poor and for all intents and purposes, homeless for most of his ministry; his friends were whores, and tax collectors and all those who live on the fringe of society; he didn't say squat about homosexuals - just "love one another as I have loved you" [subtext, you lying, imperfect, whoring friends of mine whom I love warts and all], and BTW, if the gay issue didn't even make the top ten in the Old Testament, how important could it have been?; he broke the Sabbath by healing, he worried his mother; he was a feminist; he drank wine - daily; he hated the posturing of those who thought they were better than Everyman Mike (Pharisees anyone?). And the thing is, this intolerance becomes so exclusive as to who can be on the train to heaven, that it ends up sounding like crazy talk! That's not at all what was intended. That's one of the big differences between God in the Jewish and Christian faiths. I'm being very simple here, but the savior they still believe is to come, is for the Jewish people. Christ, the new covenant, is for everyone, Jew, Gentile, and everything in between.

There are two ways that I see to go about this issue: you don't like what someone does or believes? Then don't vote for them, frequent their place of business or maybe try to avoid them (good luck in that small town of yours!). Or you can ask them to explain why they believe this or behave that way in an attempt to understand. I used to tour with a woman who was a born-again Christian and she often could be heard saying, "I don't mean to judge..." Stop. Hold the phone. You just judged. And sometimes that's ok, when we use it as a filter for things like:
-do I have enough time to make this turn without getting sideswiped?
-I bet I probably will get $1,000,000 if I answer this email and send $35 Western Union to Africa!
-this place seems really filthy - can I eat here without getting ptomaine?
-I don't think I'd better drive home after those 7 margaritas.

But when we weigh in on humanity, other's humanity and then make a judgement along the lines of "I'm better than you and Jesus loves me more," well, it's not at all what he intended. And frankly, it's not our job.

So to my seemingly close-minded neighbors in small towns, here are some gems of Jesus' (and I'm paraphrasing).

Let him who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.
It is not what goes in the mouth that defiles it, but what comes out of the mouth that defiles it.
How is it that you notice the speck in your neighbors eye but not the log in your own eye?
In response to Peter asking how many times a person should be forgiven? Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

So, lighten up Francis, it's not for you to judge.

Passion, by the Sower

This is the first of three posts. I have been working out of town and have no desire to do this through my phone, so in my three days at home with a computer, I'm finally getting down my thoughts.

I have attended services with a friend in Rolla, MO for the last two weeks. It's a Christian church and they call themselves Disciples of Christ. This past weekend, the scripture reading was the story of the sower, who scatters seeds: on rocks, on the path, in some weeds/thorns, and on good soil. I am going to assume that this story might ring a bell and get on to what was clarified for me. We (Christians) are the SOWERS, we are NOT the ones who harvest. It is our job to scatter the seeds, not to see if some will take or some will die, or some will germinate at a later time. That's all in God's hands. He just wants us to be the sowers. We do this by living a life of purpose, not judging and tending to our own garden.

I have always been wary of evangelists. They seem to be shoving Jesus down my throat, and my first instinct is to choke. In much the same way I could never understand why one would want to sit FACE to FACE with a priest to confess my sins (whose idea was that anyway?) I think our connection with God and Jesus is more personal, more intimate, and I, for one, don't need to be shouted at about it. Nor do I feel the need to shout to anyone else about their relationship with the Almighty. I want my "evangelizing" to be evident everyday in my actions: I live a life of faith and kindness and generosity of spirit. (At least that's what I strive to do.)

So bringing this back to Passion, the story of the sower is a perfect metaphor for how I have long envisioned presenting this play. I don't want to preach to the audience, have a call to worship or check to see who's accepted Jesus as their Savior, or try to convert patrons. I just want to tell the story and let the seeds fall where they may. In terms of the "religiousness/Christianity" of the play, some may feel enriched, some may grab hold for just a bit and then let it go, some will be choked out by other influences, and some will need additional time to germinate. And that's OK. That task is not mine - to wonder if and how everyone takes what I'm saying. That's the job of a higher power. My job is to create an amazing story which moves people and leaves them breathless. I'm totally up for that!