This is the last of three entries that have been on my mind for the last month. Below are excerpts from my response to a friend's email regarding producing Passion. Be warned, it is fairly long.

You always write the most thoughtful and insightful things. I take no umbrage at answering your questions and feel no provocation, at least not in the negative sense. If you've provoked my thinking -  fantastic! I'm happy to illuminate as best I can, my reasons, my vision, my goals.

The thing that struck me first from your email was the ackowledgement of my Catholic bias. You're absolutely right, I am steeped in Catholic doctrine, at least knowledge of it. I don't think I'm a very good Catholic when in comes to following all of it and I was so grateful for Dianna's input when I had her to bounce ideas off and theories around.

I am, in fact, probably much more in line with the Protestant (Reformation?) thinking about my relationship with God and Christ than what the Catholic church puts forth. As I said in a blog post, my bible reading was sorely lacking in my formative years. Yes, I know many stories but as far as the contrasts put forth between not only the four gospel writers, but the whole idea of the God of the Old Testament and the God in the New Testament, well that's relatively new to me and I'm fairly sure I have not actually reconciled the whole thing in my head.

Ironically enough, Matt just bought me a 24-lecture course in Lost Christianities and the speaker talks at length about those differences (OT vs. NT) and even more about how factions of Christianity in the 400 years following Jesus' death, had widely differing opinions - even more pronounced than today's group of denominations. Some things he puts forth include the question of belief in the divinity/humanity of Jesus and the question as to whether, as a believer, to keep or abandon Jewish laws and customs. I'm not all that many lectures in but it sure is intriguing.

To look for a Catholic church as a venue ( the second biggie of your email for me) poses some issues. First, Catholics are, in general known for some of the strictest doctrine. The church and it's proponents can be very judgemental (Catholic guilt?) and while you can find priests who are fairly modern and forward thinking, they ultimately have to answer to the chain of command. Technically speaking, I never been inside a Catholic church with stage lights and projection screens. I need those things.

One of the main reasons I wanted to adapt Passion directly from the bible is because it takes denominations and doctrine out of the picture. No one can tell me I included something trivial (really? from the Bible?) and excluded something supremely important. If I were adapting the entire ministry of Jesus, maybe, but I'm pretty sure I'm hitting all the high notes in the passion story. And really, the story I'm telling does tend to focus on Christ's humanity because that's what's accessible to us humans. There is no "God" mic, no angels, no supernatural, unless you count Jesus still being amazingly ALIVE to even experience the crucifixion after the torture and beatings inflicted upon him. So, a belief in religion, in a denomination, or even whether he really walked the earth isn't necessary to be moved by the story. For me, it's the story of a man.

And if, in telling this story I'm evangelizing, than so be it. I find it more palatable than someone spewing doctrine and rules at me, telling me if I don't fit certain criteria, I am not one of God's children and I'm destined for Hell. I think a great majority of people could use a little more spirituality, a little humility, a little compassion. But I've no compunction to aid them in their journey (other than the play) or lead them to one denomination or the other because I do believe that the most important thing is the one-on-one with God, Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, the Universe, Whatever. If one is content in life and it's one filled with integrity, generosity, humility, compassion and love, then who the hell am I to tell them they've got it all wrong?

Somewhere in the scheme of things, we need those big, confident, gregarious evangelists (Simon Peter) but I don't see Jesus as one of them. He lived his life on the fringes of society; he was abundantly blessed but possessed no hubris; and he didn't damn people who didn't believe in him.

The final thing that hit home in your email, was to take my time, a la the Sistine Chapel. And again, so insightful, you are right on target. As difficult as it was for me to cancel the piece this past January, it was absolutely the right thing to do. I had no desire to minimize, compress, or bare bones the story. And moreoever, I couldn't - not technically, not without losing my integrity.

I am confident I will produce Passion with my story and vision intact. I will find the perfect venue. It will be a huge success artistically and financially. I just need to be patient and wait for the pieces to fall into play....place.

Thank you for always giving me the opportunity to explain my choices and for making me really think about why I made them.

conservative v. intolerant

Man, I just lost this whole post so let's see if I can recreate and perhaps be a bit more succinct in recreating it.

Most small towns are conservative. The smaller the number of people, the more rules, the narrower the parameters for what is considered acceptable. Now, there may be crazy liberal towns (like Las Vegas) but that's actually a world-class city. I'm talking small, usually rural, towns. Living in a small town, as I have been for the last few weeks, I can almost always use the word conservative interchangeably with intolerant especially when conversing with religious types. (yeh, weird how I don't really put myself in the "religious type" category although I am Roman Catholic and currently writing a blog about my thoughts on faith and the Passion of Christ!)

I understand conservatives. I am married to one, my best friend is one, you get the picture. But I am pretty much a bleeding-heart liberal. I like to help people, feel a civic duty to do so and like to think I'm open-minded about how people live their lives. (In all honesty, I could not care one hoot about people's sexuality or preference and hope they are not sitting around thinking about mine.) But I know some folks who've made choices I would not have made for myself and dangit, they are still wonderful people.

But this small town thing has got me scratching my head. And the list of unacceptable things keeps getting longer: they drink, they're gay, they are having sex, they don't go to church, they cuss (guilty, Lord, guilty, guilty, guilty) they say off-color jokes, they are actors. But the biggest one has got to be that "they" don't live their lives like we do, believe in the same things we do, behave in the same ways we do, love who God says is acceptable." And when those things are accompanied by "cuz Jesus said so," I can barely speak.

Let's get some things straight: Jesus was poor and for all intents and purposes, homeless for most of his ministry; his friends were whores, and tax collectors and all those who live on the fringe of society; he didn't say squat about homosexuals - just "love one another as I have loved you" [subtext, you lying, imperfect, whoring friends of mine whom I love warts and all], and BTW, if the gay issue didn't even make the top ten in the Old Testament, how important could it have been?; he broke the Sabbath by healing, he worried his mother; he was a feminist; he drank wine - daily; he hated the posturing of those who thought they were better than Everyman Mike (Pharisees anyone?). And the thing is, this intolerance becomes so exclusive as to who can be on the train to heaven, that it ends up sounding like crazy talk! That's not at all what was intended. That's one of the big differences between God in the Jewish and Christian faiths. I'm being very simple here, but the savior they still believe is to come, is for the Jewish people. Christ, the new covenant, is for everyone, Jew, Gentile, and everything in between.

There are two ways that I see to go about this issue: you don't like what someone does or believes? Then don't vote for them, frequent their place of business or maybe try to avoid them (good luck in that small town of yours!). Or you can ask them to explain why they believe this or behave that way in an attempt to understand. I used to tour with a woman who was a born-again Christian and she often could be heard saying, "I don't mean to judge..." Stop. Hold the phone. You just judged. And sometimes that's ok, when we use it as a filter for things like:
-do I have enough time to make this turn without getting sideswiped?
-I bet I probably will get $1,000,000 if I answer this email and send $35 Western Union to Africa!
-this place seems really filthy - can I eat here without getting ptomaine?
-I don't think I'd better drive home after those 7 margaritas.

But when we weigh in on humanity, other's humanity and then make a judgement along the lines of "I'm better than you and Jesus loves me more," well, it's not at all what he intended. And frankly, it's not our job.

So to my seemingly close-minded neighbors in small towns, here are some gems of Jesus' (and I'm paraphrasing).

Let him who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.
It is not what goes in the mouth that defiles it, but what comes out of the mouth that defiles it.
How is it that you notice the speck in your neighbors eye but not the log in your own eye?
In response to Peter asking how many times a person should be forgiven? Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

So, lighten up Francis, it's not for you to judge.

Passion, by the Sower

This is the first of three posts. I have been working out of town and have no desire to do this through my phone, so in my three days at home with a computer, I'm finally getting down my thoughts.

I have attended services with a friend in Rolla, MO for the last two weeks. It's a Christian church and they call themselves Disciples of Christ. This past weekend, the scripture reading was the story of the sower, who scatters seeds: on rocks, on the path, in some weeds/thorns, and on good soil. I am going to assume that this story might ring a bell and get on to what was clarified for me. We (Christians) are the SOWERS, we are NOT the ones who harvest. It is our job to scatter the seeds, not to see if some will take or some will die, or some will germinate at a later time. That's all in God's hands. He just wants us to be the sowers. We do this by living a life of purpose, not judging and tending to our own garden.

I have always been wary of evangelists. They seem to be shoving Jesus down my throat, and my first instinct is to choke. In much the same way I could never understand why one would want to sit FACE to FACE with a priest to confess my sins (whose idea was that anyway?) I think our connection with God and Jesus is more personal, more intimate, and I, for one, don't need to be shouted at about it. Nor do I feel the need to shout to anyone else about their relationship with the Almighty. I want my "evangelizing" to be evident everyday in my actions: I live a life of faith and kindness and generosity of spirit. (At least that's what I strive to do.)

So bringing this back to Passion, the story of the sower is a perfect metaphor for how I have long envisioned presenting this play. I don't want to preach to the audience, have a call to worship or check to see who's accepted Jesus as their Savior, or try to convert patrons. I just want to tell the story and let the seeds fall where they may. In terms of the "religiousness/Christianity" of the play, some may feel enriched, some may grab hold for just a bit and then let it go, some will be choked out by other influences, and some will need additional time to germinate. And that's OK. That task is not mine - to wonder if and how everyone takes what I'm saying. That's the job of a higher power. My job is to create an amazing story which moves people and leaves them breathless. I'm totally up for that!

Laying it all out

My search for a venue has once again begun in earnest. I have a couple already identified and I'm working on getting a letter out before I leave for Rolla on June 21. The thing is, I can't really speak about Passion in short, bullet-points. There has been so much work done on the project in terms of working through staging, the sound design, the set, etc, that I find myself going on and on. Below is what I've tentatively written out to accompany the letter to prospective venues, most of which are churches, btw.

The story concentrates on the universal themes of love, betrayal and redemption, but also on the primordial relationships of mother/son and devoted friends. Contemporary touchstones include a justice system swayed by political pressures and the execution of someone who is innocent.


The text of Passion is from the Bible, sacred music and Jewish prayers. The Old Testament provides text for Mary, Mary Magdalen and Judas, and verses used as projections to reveal prophecies fulfilled. The most dramatic elements of the story are drawn from all four gospels. Creating the bulk of Passion solely from the Bible allows a straightforward telling of the story devoid of specific denominational doctrine, derogatory remarks or anti-semitism.


The music follows the arc of the story, starting with taize music - chants with one line of text and a single melody. As the show progresses, more text is sung and harmonies are added until the crucifixion which has the most complicated music in the show, Benjamin Britten's One Ever Hangs/Agnus Dei, from his War Requiem. Music is sung by the principal actors and a separate chorus.


The concept for Passion is based on Suzuki and Viewpoints, two very physical approaches to theatre, to recreate sacred works of art (DaVinci's Last Supper, Michelangelo's La Pieta) and accomplish the brutal physicality of the story. Projections highlight the fulfillment of prophecies from the Old Testament and the set is extremely simple. The production rests on the structure of a tenebrae service with seven candles lit at the beginning of the show and being snuffed out one by one until Christ's death on the cross. The audience also plays a role in Passion. From the staging, to seating arrangements, to sound design and music, they are meant to be an integral part of the story.

The players include union and non-union professional theatre artists, community players designated as disciples (non-speaking roles) and Simon of Cyrene, and a singing chorus. 

So I ask you, my 4 followers, does this make things clear?

No church and no bible

Twice, I have travelled to countries who are known as devoutly Catholic: Italy (2006) and most recently Ecuador, and here's my conundrum: these people who shout that they are Catholics don't go to church much at all. I have seen so many breathtakingly beautiful churches with no one in them. In fact, in Italy, people are very proud to tell you they are Catholic but when you ask if they attend mass, they say, "oh...no." Perhaps it is due to the very real lack of ordained priests but that's not my first inclination.

The last two years has seen my nose in a bible more than all the time prior to 2009. Oh, I know the bible stories - old and new testament - but as for sitting down to read the bible myself and hook the stories and lessons together, that was never required of me in my Catholic upbringing. A fact I had confirmed by my mother-in-law about a month ago when she said, "I don't know the bible very well. We never read it much." Whaaaaaa??? I know, right?!

Matt (my husband) thinks the Catholic church wants to concentrate on the lessons which is why we never discuss the history of the bible or the inconsistencies in many of the gospel stories, even thought EVERY SINGLE PRIEST learns this stuff at seminary. That makes it so much more interesting to me!!!  Matt says that's what a bible study class is for. Now for those who know me pretty well, I don't consider myself a very good Catholic. I'm not murdering, stealing, worshipping false gods, coveting my neighbor's goods or anything, but as a Catholic, you're supposed to be "all in" with the doctrine and this is where I have some issues. There seems to be quite a bit of doctrine I cannot find anywhere in the gospels, which, as far as I know, is the only bit of text we have on what Jesus said. Not gonna get into that right now (maybe another post) but suffice it to say, I would rather take my studies of Jesus' teachings on their own and live my life in that fashion.

I go to mass: because I find comfort in the service, because it's familiar and I like the music, because often times the readings seem to address exactly what I'm dealing with at a particular time. AND, I read the bible, most often the gospels, because that story interests me most of all. I will continue to bat around the idea of no church and yet devout, believer in Jesus as my savior without the doctrine and trust that eventually I will be able to see what adjustments to make and given the motivation to make them.

Oh, and I still need an Alleluia, dangit.

The reading!

So last night, Bill Rauch, Adrienne Gleeson, Kristen Robinson, and Sarajane Alverson did the reading of Passion. (I've changed the font for this posting to verdana, because that's what the script is in.) I popped in occassionally with the reading of the projections, stage directions and musical moments. It was wonderful to hear the language (kind of formal, see previous post) and see the movement (in my head) and find out where the holes were (there weren't many, thank goodness!)

We breezed through the scourging and the crucifixion - not a lot of talking! But those scenes in particular, made me consider just what the sound design should be. In the theatre, you can only listen to the mob for so long before you file it away as annoying background noise and it loses it's punch.

Obviously, there is not a lot of humor in the show. It will take a concentrated effort to find moments of lightness, given the ongoing tragedy. And I don't mean moments of "ha ha, funny stuff" just times when there are conversations taking place, times where the audience can take a breath and regain their equilibrium. It's an exhausting story to tell and an equally exhausting story to watch.

After the reading, the actors gave me feedback regarding text, and context. One of the things I really wanted to include in this story, which is NOT in any of the gospels, is Judas' torment at what he's done. The gospels state very simply that Judas was consumed by Satan and took his own life. I've had issues with Judas for a while but have made the artistic decision that he needs to tell us and show us what he's feeling, which I think creates a touchstone for the audience. Who hasn't been tortured over a poor decision we made? Thankfully, in discussions with dramaturg Dianna Thomas last year, I came to the decision that Judas wasn't just a pawn in the game. He exercised his free will and committed the betrayal. Otherwise, wouldn't we be celebrating him as a saint who did his part in moving along the events that would kill Jesus and then have him rise? Like Jesus, who questions his Father in the garden, Judas could have chosen NOT to take part, NOT to take the money from the Sanhedrin. And he was so tormented, he couldn't even ask for forgiveness, because it would have been given to him if he'd asked. Instead, he acted on his free will again, and took his own life. As Kristen read Judas' monologue last night and knowing that it is against the background of Jesus' scourging, I heard how selfish he was, and that he didn't fully believe in the mercy of God. He wasn't all in,but held a piece of himself back and that sealed his doom. For those wondering just how Judas is saying all this in keeping with my "no created dialogue" rule, most of his lines come from Job (who also had a rather volatile relationship with God) and from Lamentations (woe is me stuff).

Much of the text in the gospels is circular. And repetitive. And repetitive. It's kind of the Department of Redundancy Department. The gospel stories were told in an oral tradition for centuries and the storytellers knew that for something to sink in, they needed to say it more that once. No where is this more evident than in the Last Supper. I have made the Last Supper purposely long because I figure it will take quite a while to wash the feet of 12 people.  In my church's Holy Thursday service (the washing of the feet), 12 chairs are lined up and we don't really even get to see the washing because the priest is in front of them and we only see his back. In Passion, Jesus calls each disciple up one at a time and we get to see the personal interaction. We actually did feet washing a couple months ago at SATE training and it was a very eye opening experience. Everyone washed and got washed. It is a humbling experience on both sides - intimate yet bold, loving, and nurturing. It makes you really consider who is the servant. Anyhoo, that scene, taken mostly from John's gospel because apparently, Jesus was really chatty at the Last Supper, is what covers most of the time spent washing feet. And even with all the text, I still want there to be moments of silence where only the sounds of the water can be heard. So that scene may receive substantial chopping in the end, cutting out much of the circular talk and that would be fine.

So I have some adjustments to make. And I still have to find a dern Hallelujah that is joyous and upbeat. Oh. And a venue.

Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ

I finally watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. I have avoided this movie because I heard so much about the violence in it, and I'm not a fan of that. To be perfectly honest, I sped through the scourging because my husband said he watched it and felt like he needed to throw up.

So Monday night, I sat down and watched Mel's take on the story. I will say, even avoiding the scourging as I did, Mel seemed to focus an awful lot on the violence. I'm not saying it wasn't this way historically, in fact, it probably really was this horrible. I wondered how he actually even made it to the Skull Place he was so beat up. But the focus on the violence was distracting at times. I'm fairly certain I don't need to be nauseated to know what he went through. Things I can imagine in my head are horrific enough and more than that, it wasn't just the physical that makes this story tragic. It was the way that EVERYONE, not just Judas betrayed him, with just a few exceptions. The disciples, except for John, are nowhere to be found. The sanhedrin and religious authorities are making stuff up to put him to death (holy men, my butt!) Even the people who welcomed him into Jerusalem 5 days earlier with such enthusiasm are caught up in the mob mentality. And let's not forget the Romans: Pilate bowing under the political pressure from Caesar and the Jewish leaders, and the soldiers who took delight in his pain (talk about no mercy). And finally, the thief, who, at his own execution can only belittle Jesus. Betrayal after betrayal after betrayal. THAT is what I wouldn't be able to stand up to - knowing that there was no one to comfort me, albeit that Mary and Magdalene were there too, but they were women and who cared what they thought, said or did.

Mel puts the devil right there in the midst of the people, too. First, taunting Jesus in the garden, then at the riot during Jesus' trial, appearing to Judas (seeming to make him possessed), and then cackling gleefully at Jesus' death. Didn't much care for that part.

Passion, by me, is taken only from the Bible. For several reasons, I didn't want to "create" any dialogue. Some of the translations took me right out of the movie. I think one soldier said, "Come on, we don't have all day," which seemed a little modern to me. We create and add new words to the dictionary all the time, but I don't think the slang or colloquisms were quite so rampant in that time. I could be wrong, but my feeling is that language in general was less developed than it is now and so formal language was the order of the day.

They did show Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus taking Jesus off the cross and that was cool. It will be cooler when we do it, and very strenuous, but beautiful and touching and elegant.

So check that off the list.

Holy Week

I refrained from posting during Holy Week because I wanted to have the whole experience.

Holy Thursday: I sang at this service with another cantor. I think, at times, I sounded ridiculous on the mic, going in and out because I often turned my head to see just what was going on. Holy Thursday is the washing of the feet, as seen in Luke's gospel. It is also considered the first commission to the priesthood in my church. Somewhere in the back of my head, I had that information stored away but it was brought to the forefront at this service. And it wasn't something that was crystal clear in my numerous readings of this gospel but I can kind of see it now. But I wonder if Jesus was calling them to be rabbis/teachers, not priests. Priests, as sisters or nuns, have may vocations within their call to be religious figures. Some are teachers of math, history or English, some are administrators, some go into the field and some head parishes and guide the spiritual well-being of their flock. Is this the same with rabbis? I guess I thought they were always there for spiritual guidance and knowledge. I need to do some research on this topic. I have a vauge idea of the ceremony around the priesthood, but wonder if Jesus did any kind of laying of hands, or special blessing on the twelve that night.

Good Friday. I first attended this service last year and then sang for it this year at my own church. It is not a "mass." There is no opening or processional entrance because it is a continuation of prayer from the night before. The story of the Passion is read and then people venerate the cross, meaning they come to a large cross, kneel or genuflect, touch it or kiss it. It can be a very powerful thing to watch. And I do so love the song Behold the Wood.

    "Behold, behold, the wood of the cross, on which is hung our salvation. O come, let us adore."

The body of Christ is taken out of the tabernacle on Holy Thursday. On God Friday, there is no liturgy of the Eucharist, but people do receive communion. At the end of the service, again, there is no ending song, just the repetition of a taize change: Stay with me. Remain her with me. Watch and pray. Watch and pray."
The church is darkened and people file out at their will. This is to lead directly into Holy Saturday.

Holy Saturday. I did not attend this service due to a family obligation, but this is the time when new Christians/Catholics are initiated into the church. It's a loooooooong service, (also called the Easter Vigil) where they do something like nine readings and as many responsorial psalms. Each person (almost always and adult) being initiated receives the sacraments of baptism, confirmation and Holy Communion.

I sang again on Easter Sunday. This is a joyous service musically, in the readings and just in general as everyone has dressed in their Easter finery to celebrate the Risen Lord.

Last year I attended a tenebrae service. Tenebrae means darkness in Latin. It's funny that the dictionary mentions it's a Roman Catholic term, considering I'd never heard of it until last year. Essentially, during Holy Week, a series of readings are done (seven I believe), all leading up to the death of Christ. As each reading concludes, a candle is snuffed out until, after the final reading the church or chapel or room is left in complete darkness. You hear a door slam or a curtain tear and the darkness continues for about 2 minutes. The idea being that Christ has died, the light has gone out, and now we wait in darkness. Two minutes sounds like a really short amount of time, but I will tell you as an actor, that kind of time onstage without anything, can be deadly (pardon the pun). Moreover, it makes people very uncomfortable, rather the feeling you would expect to have knowing that the Savior has died. I liked it so much, it is a part of Passion. Whether people will realize that it's a riff on the tenebrae service, who knows? But it's a very clear marker of each incident that brought Jesus to be crucified and ultimately die. Me likey.

I could see it all

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. The reading of the Passion of Christ according to Matthew. (Easter Sunday will be John.) As Holy week began yesterday, I could see Passion in my head as it was read in my church. I lent a small part of my ear to the congregation which has various responses in the version we read and I know, truly, in my heart, that people need to SEE this. As with anything we read aloud over and over, the tendency to become complacent, or read/speak by rote is the natural path. Just listen to a group of kids recite the Pledge of Allegiance or even people at church recite the Our Father. It's like they forget what the words actually say.

This week is a long one for me in church, but not in a bad way. I am singing Holy Thursday service (the washing of the feet and the Last Supper), again on Holy Friday (the Veneration of the Cross), and then again on Easter Sunday. My hope is to not get distracted while I'm singing because I find the whole aspect of these moments of the story to be spellbinding. So many times in the last 18 months, particularly when I'm cantoring, I find myself wondering how the disciples reacted during the offering of the bread and wine/body and blood. Then I'm like, "Whoops! Sing girl!" Maybe it's because I'm up so close to the alter, the body and blood, but I seriously get a little lost in the ceremony and in thought.

But now begins a renewed effort to bring Passion to the stage in 2012. The venue is once again top priority in my mind. Once that is secured, advertising and group sales can begin. I am however, beginning to rethink my former position on NOT having a church involved. I definitely want to do it in a church, but now I'm wondering if having the "blessing" of the Catholic Church, the Missouri Lutheran Synod, the Methodists, etc, wouldn't be optimal. I don't want to propogate doctrine, and that's where I've felt the problem lies. With the whole script taken from the Bible, I don't know how organized religion can argue doctrine, but that's been my fear. And maybe that's been my problem - I'm operating from a place of fear. Also, that I don't want to evangelize. I want people to see the work, see the story, and decide on their own how it affects them. It's only when we've reached the age of reason that we begin to question our faith and really reflect on how it pertains to us, if we truly believe in the doctrine of one church or another (or not a church at all - For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. ... Matthew 18:20) and if we can actually live what we believe. And even if someone doesn't believe, that's OK too.

The relevance of Passion can still be seen today. Who hasn't witnessed the love of a mother for a child? Been a part of a betrayal? Seen the justice system be swayed the wrong way and an innocent dies for uncommitted sins? Watched violence unfold and felt unable to do anything about it? THESE are the human instances where I think Passion will resonate.

Perhaps what I'm really coming to is a COMMUNITY effort to produce Passion. People of different faiths, churches whose doctrine is Bible based. Whatever and however this comes to fruition, it will be with the help of many, not just those who do theatre, not just those within my church group, not only those who believe in the story of Christ. But the key word is many: many hands make light work.

I hope this Holy Week is one of new discoveries for me, not just within my faith, but for Passion, the project. I just need to keep my eyes and ears open for what comes next.

Church play

"Isn't Passion a church play?"

That question (and any number of variations on it) has been presented to me any number of times in the last 18 months, and it's one I have struggled to answer. Yes it can be and no, it's a play that deals with a Christian theology. I just read a review of something being done at the Ivory, called A.D the Musical. The reveiwer from Post Dispatch called it a church play but did not elaborate on 'what' a church play is, called it amatuerish, and not a professional treatment of the material. So what exactly IS a church play? One dealing with a person's struggle with faith? One that presents biblical stories? One where only those of a certain faith would understand?

This has been a conundrum for me. Passion is not about a struggle of faith, unless it's the faith of the disciples or the audience or the Sanhedrin. Jesus (at this point in his life) is not unsure about his faith in God. Is he a little worried and concerned about the way he's supposed to die? - sure. How exactly do you get yourself psyched up to die a torturous, painful, humiliating death? And yes of course, he asks if there's any way this can be done where he doesn't have to submit to this horrific death, but he remains committed. And struggles with faith are not exclusive to the Christian community. Pretty sure human beings of all faiths question, fail, leave, come back, change and/or revise their thinking about God, the world, and our place in it. So that can't be what makes it a church play.

Biblical stories: Moses, Noah, Jonah, Abraham and Isaac, Samson and Delilah, David and Goliath - these are biblical stories about Jewish people, God's chosen people. The majority of the bible tells stories about Jewish people (the Old Testament is waaaay longer than the New Testament) and yet they are all lumped into a Christian theology and in my experience, no one really considers them tales of the Jewish people. Hmmm.

Amatuerish: this must deal with the poor direction, crappy music and lyrics, poor script, and range of acting/singing styles - none of which reflect on the material itself. It may very well be an amatuerish production, but I don't see how that contributes to the "church play" mentality.

Professional treatment: as I have said before, Passion was conceived for a professional theatre artists. This has been done before with Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar. The truth is, the story of Jesus' Passion is A REALLY GOOD STORY. There's love, betrayal, violence, forgiveness, a good guy, a bad guy, and an arc that moves from wildly excited to poignant to despair to fear and violence to acceptance to redemption and back to love. It is similar to stories about mythological characters, we just don't seem to have anyone who believes in Poseidan, Zeus, Aphrodite, and Hades anymore. So what constitues the professional treatment? For me and for Passion, it's about having actors who understand what bodies in motion can say to an audience, it's about knowing the arc of the play, building the action and being so committed to those actions and the arc that the entire audience is engrossed and FEELS the climax, even if they don't believe in the particular theology. That is the actor's JOB. I know plenty of people at my church who know the story, believe in the theology but I don't want them in Passion because they do not possess the tools of an actor. I find it hard to believe that in producing Godspell, JC Superstar, the Mel Gibson movie The Passion, there was a box to check off if you are Christian. Producers want good actors, and the actor's job is to portray a character.

So I still don't have a good answer to the question about whether Passion is a church play. Thoughts?

Things bloom from dormancy in the spring

A heartfelt thanks to all the folks who asked me about Passion last night at the Kevin Kline Awards. It truly made my night. Things have been a bit slower for me the last two months regarding the show but getting to speak about it with friends, and feeling supported in this endeavor reinvigorated me. I have a meeting with a producer, was asked to submit it to a new play festival, was given suggestions as to where to find that elusive Hallelujah, and got some great ideas about venues.

I just hope I wasn't too overwhelming when talking about Passion. It kind of all whooshes out of my mouth and the "passion" I feel for this project makes my heart swell. 

I'd say, "back to the grind" but that isn't at all how I feel about Passion. I am supremely blessed to be bringing this project to the stage and even more blessed by the people (some of whom I would have never guessed read this blog) who came to me with their support and good wishes.

listening

So Matt, my husband, bought me a cd set about how the gospels were written. I've come across lots of info on this particular subject, (the timeline, the friend of a friend of a freind said/wrote, whose was written first, who borrowed from whom for their gospel) but I am excited to listen to a biblical scholar as I road trip to Rolla this summer. Oral histories are always hard to pin down and it amazes me that there is still so much research going on regarding these books. Yes, they are THAT important.

About two weeks ago the gospel was about laying our worry aside, that God would see to us and our abundance just as he takes care of the birds in the sky, and we rate higher than them. This is a major task for me but one where I have been finding small successes. As we head into Easter season again, and use the next 33 days for preparation, I am keeping my eyes and ears open for the Holy Spirit to show me the way for Passion. I have an entire year - Jesus only had three years in his ministry. Surely, I can figure out one production in that time.

Tremendous news!

About a week ago I learned that the Pope agrees with me! Pope Benedict has a new book out titled Jesus of Nazareth: Holy Week, in which he makes clear that the Jews ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for the death of Jesus. Whew!

Truth be told, I am not a huge fan of Pope Benedict. I much preferred his predecessor Pope John Paul II. But I am thrilled, nonetheless, that he (and the Church he leads) has said/written for all to see, that Catholics anyway, are not going to blame the Jewish people for the death of Jesus Christ. Thank God. In working from gospels for Passion, this was the conclusion I came to again and again. I simply couldn't see how God would renounce an entire people, His Chosen Ones, when everybody knew this was coming. I will contend that there were numerous Jewish officials (high priests, members of the Sanhedrin, etc) that were absolutely culpable in getting Jesus pushed through the Roman legal system and should be held responsible for his death - but not the whole lot of them. This is akin to saying that all Catholics are responsible when a priest molests a child. It's disgusting, despicible and reprehensible, but they are the actions of a man, not the agenda of a people. Same with those Jewish officials: they had their own agenda. They were threatened by Jesus and how he could affect their power. It had very little to do with the everyday Jewish person. As I've written in previous posts, Jesus was not sent here to start a new religion, but to fulfill the prophecies of old.

Additionally, "He examines in depth the words in Matthew’s Gospel which have had such a terrible impact on the Jewish people down the ages: “His blood be upon us and upon our children” and offers a completely new way of understanding these most difficult words, giving an explanation based on the Genesis text concerning the blood of Abel, as well as the accounts of the Last Supper. In doing this, his interpretation is wholly positive and no longer negative or damning."

The Christian will remember that the blood of Christ ... is not spilled against anyone but ... for many, for all," Benedict writes. "Read from the point of view of the faith, this means that we all need the purifying force of love, and that force is his blood. These words are not a curse, but redemption, salvation."

In my research on the historical times of Jesus, over and over I came to the conclusion that the Romans were responsible for His death. He was tried in a Roman court (which, by the way, wanted nothing to do with him, and believed the charges against him to be false). As you can read in the gospels, Pilate tried to release him - several times - only to be pressed by the Jewish officials again and again. In what was surely a political move to satisfy those men, did he finally concede to put Jesus to death. Essentially, Pilate needed a backbone and he caved to the pressure of men who, what? thought God wouldn't see them working behind the scenes?

Since the Jewish law doesn't allow for someone to be put to death, Jesus died in typical Roman fashion: a crucifixion. Bloody, savage, public and just another Friday for them.

I have not read the entire book, only seen articles and reviews which reveal the crux of his standings - something which anyone who has read the gospels could easily figure out on their own, as I did. And frankly, it is amazing that no one had the cajones to state it as clearly before now. So, props to Benedict for that! I just wish it could have come sooner, like, hundreds of years ago.

Your $$$

This post seems even more appropriate as the government prepares to vote on whether to continue funding the arts in this country.

Now, I may have omitted a couple things as they apply, or do not apply to Passion. Things like royalties, which do NOT need to be paid because this adaptation is original and the writers of the Bible are looooong gone.

What your money does:

$25 pays one day's salary to a tech operator (sound, lights etc.) That's about $8/hour.

$100 pays for 2 nights of donkey rental. (yes, I need the donkey. He came into Jerusalem on a donkey!)

$200 pays for costumes. (I am borrowing most of them.)

$300 pays one non-union actor for the run of the show. (That includes all their rehearsal time and 12 performances. This amount should be MUUUUUUUCH higher, but it's the going rate in St. Louis. Probably works out to about $1.50 an hour. Puh-thetic.) There are at least 10 of these actors in the show.

$500 pays the marketing person. They are responsible for getting out press materials to radio, TV, newspapers, etc. They also direct market target audiences with flyers, emails and phone calls. This is a ton of work and when all is said and done, they might make $3/hour.

$1400 pays the salary of a union actor for three weeks of rehearsal and 12 performances. Quite a difference from the other actors listed before. Union actors make about $11 an hour - yes, it is sooo glamourous!

$2300 would pay for the printing of the programs. This amount also includes the design fee.

$3000 pays for the music director. That's a goocher for sure but a good one can make or break the show. They get about $30 an hour and between $75 and $100 per performance.

Here's some other things where price can widely vary:
Playwright's fee (yep, that's me. Over 200 hours of work already. Payment so far? Goose egg.)
Director's fee
Venue rental (don't get me started!)
Man hours for marketing, publicity, set/light/costume design, load-in, strike, getting and returning borrowed things.
Multitude of other tasks which seem so small they almost don't seem worthy of writing down but are nonetheless, essential.


You can often find people who will volunteer and that's fantastic. But Passion is conceived for professional actors and designers. You pay everyone else to do things - clean your house, fix the clog, put on a roof, tune your piano, do your nails, make your coffee. Artists deserve to get paid also and SHOULD get paid more than a pittance. That's another blog site entirely.

So that's a glimpse of what is needed for Passion.

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets.
I have come not to abolish but to fulfill."  Matthew 5:17
The above was from the gospel this past weekend and it has been sitting in my mind. To me, this makes it abundantly clear that Jesus was not brought on this earth to start a new religion (Christianity), but to revise the old laws and make them 'modern.' In fact, nowhere in the four gospels can you find the word Christians or christianity. Not until letters written by Paul, does this word come about. This is something I have been trying to get across to those who do not share my faith (in an organized religion sort of way.) Jesus was NOT about ushering in a new religion or forsaking the Jewish people cuz his Father said so. This is the way I have tried to go about this adaptation as well.

Now Matthew is the most Jewish of the bibles. His book gives lots of insight to Jewish customs and ceremony. In fact, most of the gospels, with their telling of the story, seem to assume that many people would be of the Jewish faith and have an understanding of celebrations and laws, so much so that as a believer 2000+ years later, I can get a little lost. Little things that get left out or remain unexplained to me in my christain worshipping because they are inherently Jewish. Take the liturgy of the Eucharist: in my mass, the priest says, "On the day he was given up to death, a death he freely accepted, He took bread and gave thanks."  Whaaaaaa?  It isn't bread. It isn't supposed to be bread. Unleavened bread is really like a cracker and I'm pretty sure it's not called bread. So why do the Christians call it bread instead of what it was  - matzah? And why aren't we told what he said when he gave thanks? Pretty sure it's a Jewish prayer over the matzah, so, of course, my church leaves that out.

As the Catholic Church gets ready to embark on a whole plethora of changes, I really hope that it will return to Jesus's teachings, and not what bishops and popes have deigned "the truth." Recently, even the word Yahweh has been replaced in songs because apparently, using that Jewish word for God is offensive? To whom - Jews? Try singing that old fave, "Yahweh, I know you are near..." Nope. Now it's "O Lord." Whatev.

OK. I'm rambling a bit. The essence of what I'm trying to say is that Passion is adapted from Bible with historical information to back it up. Specifically, Jewish prayers and customs that Jesus would have taken part in. Let's face it: Jesus was a Jewish man with a Jewish mother and Jewish friends. That's why the scribes and the Pharisees and the Sanhedrin got all up in his grill. If he wasn't Jewish, they wouldn't have given two hoots about what he was saying. He would have been considered a gentile or Roman quack. But the very fact that he was Jewish was what was alarming to them. I wonder those in the Jewish faith even think about Jesus as one of their own. Hmmmmmmm.

Although the quote from above comes from early in Jesus' ministry, I think I may have to move that into the Last Supper scene. According to John, Jesus was a chatterbox at the Last Supper, reminding the disciples about everything that he'd taught them in the last three years, so I don't know why this couldn't qualify.

Can I get an Alleluia?

Yes, I know, it's usually an "Amen" but I don't need one of those. And more accurately, I need a Hallelujah. An uptempo, glorious Hallelujah that is in 4 parts. A Glee Hallelujah would be fantastic!

Let's face it, you can't celebrate that He Is Risen with some crappy dirge-like piece of music. And  I don't want to bogart Handel's Messiah's Hallelujah chorus. So, I'm on the hunt! Suggestions are welcome.

Thanks to those who continue to ask about Passion. It really gives me a lift and these days, I am so grateful for that.

My friend Bill, who has the most wonderful insights, emailed me today about the relationship between art and commerce  - oh what a complicated thing that is! Money, in all things, is simply a way to trade things. And in the words of Dolly Levy, "Money, pardon the expression, money is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow." So here's to the money that will arrive to make the vision of Passion a reality! And here's to the people who will send money for the creation of art!

If you wanna know what money means to art, tune in later this week for a list of what exactly your money can do.

Big things sometimes need big packages

In reflecting on comments made regarding Passion in the last few months, here is some of what I recall:

It's too big.
Scale it back..
Pare down.
It's overwhelming.

Given my state of mind these days, if there were positive comments made about the size of the project, they are buried deep within my subconcious and I do not recall them.

Here's the thing: this is a huge project. It was conceived on a huge scale, meant to reach a large amount of people, needs a fairly big cast, will require probably thousands of hours to complete. To quote Jack Lane: She Big!

I've been rereading my Julia Cameron book The Artist's Way, particularly an early chapter about regaining our integrity as artists and how uncomfortable that change can be. She even proposes that as our artist within changes, we might find clothes fitting funny, changes in musical preference occuring and a litany of other concrete, tangible changes. And that as this process happens, we see with more clarity, more fully divine our purpose and find illusions shattered. This explains, at least a bit, what has happened to me. Now I could never fully get a handle on her morning pages, I preferred to call them daily pages - they got done at some point during the day. But as I wrote yesterday, what I need as an artist began coming into focus. Passion came into focus more, and I really thought I had already done a ton of work on it.

She also speaks of abundance and our unlimited supply of it if only we will be present and attentive enough to details to see it. This is how I see Passion. There is an abundance in this work: in the volume of people to reach, in the overreaching arc of the music, in the size venue it should be performed in, in the number of costumes required, etc. I am over thinking that the size of the project is a negative.  It's a load of work, to be sure, and I've already succumbed to the drowning sensation once - I expect that to happen again - and I will pick up and continue. Moving forward. Big is great! Vast is exciting. Overwhelming doesn't have to be negative. While I envision big things, there is a finite end, a cut-off. I am, after all, not God. 

For now, my goal is to reach about 2000 people with Passion. That's totally doable. The Muny seats like 25,000 a night! Would I object to more than 2000? No way. Bring on the abundance!

waiting for the light

Disappointment. Some say you have to learn to live with it. I will tell you, it is not a fun place to live, not even for a little while. This project is important to me so I will start with the good news. I attended a small soiree last night and got to chatting with Henry Schvey, a local music director who I did Unbeatable with. Now Henry is a musical genius, educated at Julliard, but sometimes he's so far above my head, well, I think he's high. Anyhoo, we got to talking about Passion and I mentioned to him my good fortune in finding the piece of Britten music I wanted for the crucufixion scene. It's in a crazy time signature and would make people very uncomfortable because you can't really settle into it in a 4/4 or 6/8 way. (sorry for the musical terminology). He said, "with Britten you have to sing through the phrases, that's why the meter is in 5, not 4. No one will care what you sing if you pound it out to the time signature. You have to let the text be your guide." Yeeesssssssssss! Thank you so much Henry. It reminded me of when I was in grad school choreographing Mungojerry and Rumpleteaser from Cats, I could not figure out the timing of the chorus cuz it was in 9 or something like that, and the head of the dance dept, said, "choreograph to the phrases, work through the text." Great words of wisdom when I wasn't even watching for them.

OK, disappointment.

I have been disappointed in my son. He's not the student I'd like him to be. But grades aside, he is: kind, completely non-judgemental, young, and sensitive. He is not mean spirited, he's not tricky (except for soda stealing from the basement),  He is a really great kid - and I know of what I speak. The thing I hated most about receiving his report card was that I was going to be disappointed in some of those grades and that FEELING would set in. It's yucky. It's a big, fat lump of blech. And for whatever reason, sometimes it lasts for me longer than it should, working in a big way, on my motivation to do anything other than sit and stew. I am unmotivated to DO anything: to cook, to clean, to exercise, to read, to explore. It's a huge wet blanket on my creativity.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I do things. I get things done. I make it work (thanks Tim Gunn). I have, more than once, been called a 'dynamo.' I like to be doing 10 things at once. I thrive on checking things off my list when working toward a goal. As I said before, disappointment is not a good place to live. So it requires action on my part. For my son, it's making the effort to help study for a test, or check his homework, because I feel like I can actually make something out of the pile of disappointment. But this time, this artistic disappointment is consuming me and I just want to wallow in the blech. And I have to process this in order to reach the other side. Unfortunately, I think the journey is going to be much longer than the run-of-the-mill disappointment over crappy grades.

Ultimately, the journey may involve carefully cutting away what isn't helping me anymore. That's the kind of action I need to take to move forward. In my professional life, I react for a living. In my personal creative life, I need to act, not react. JUST MAKE A CHOICE. It's the actor's mantra. It may not be the best choice, but you have to at least make one to begin to move forward and on to the next thing. There is a freedom, a release, in knowing that at least I took action and did not simply react to the situation. It gives me a sense of control that is vital to the way I operate as a human. Now, I know I'm not in charge here and things happen exactly the way they are supposed to, and I admit that I am suckish at relinquishing all control. I wish I was the person who blew with the wind instead of standing firm and facing it head on - things would be so much simpler. I will also admit to being stubborn, sometimes to the point of not being able to see another point of view. Rather like when I had a hard time seeing that God's answer to Passion was "not now." I am, infrequently, a gut person. But now I have that feeling in my gut and it's requiring me to be proactive. 

As I figure and reconfigure Passion, I know the end result will be a production that was inspired by God, and fine-tuned by me (with additional help from God). When I taught at SLU, I used to tell my students to take what they needed from the class and throw the rest away, or file it away for another time. We don't need everything all the time. And to find "the wings to fly" we need to cut away what is dragging us down. God wants this because I want it. And I have to take some responsibility for making myself worthy of his belief in me.

Finally, I will have to come to terms with disappointing others (another poopy feeling) and/or possibly angering them. I HATE to be a disappointment to others. (Remember when you did something totally irresponsible in high school and knew you were going to be reamed by your parents, only to have them tell you they were so disappointed in you and your choice? Aaaarrgghhhhh! You just wanted them to yell, or ground you - do something other than thwack you with the resounding thud of being the one who gave them that feeling.) In the end, I will have to live with my choice. And by live, I mean continue to move forward, doing things.

I will do things today. I will walk at the mall. I will eat healthy. I will make the decisions that allow me to move forward.

For everything, there is a season

Passion has been postponed. There. It's out there. Am I disappointed? You betcha. Am I down for the count? No way, Jose.

To my surprise, Passion is seasonal and therefore cannot be done during Easter season. Easter is the time for celebration and bringing Passion to Easter season is like getting a Valentine in March - bad timing.

I was fortunate enough to speak with my friend Alice today, who I never see enough of, and was able to tell her all the things I see for Passion - really fill her in on the vision. My cheeks are still flushed from the excitement of telling her and she was excited also. She wants to be a part of this, even if we have to wait to do it.

And there's still LOTS of work to be done, which is why the answer was, "not now." I do not expect my excitement to wane, or my vision to get clouded over. And now I have more time to speak to people like Alice and explain my concept. I have more time to get funding, to speak to groups, to find the best possible venue.

I am not a fan of failure or quitting. I don't think I have failed, in fact, similar to taking an exam, I've been given more time to succeed. And even if I did fail in getting it produced, I have failed forward. I sure thought about quitting, but how do you quit your artistic creations? It is simply not an option to quit this idea. It's too important both as a testament to my faith and as a timeless story to be told. I will even return to some ideas I had already discarded because I now have more time to make them come to fruition.

So now it's out there.

tracking the tracks

Tracking is a concept my dear friend Ellen Isom clarified for me years ago while doing the Full Monty at Stages. Everyone in the cast has a track: it's who you are from scene to scene. It's not generally a huge deal if you only play one role but it is especially helpful a person plays multiple roles. So, when an understudy has to go on, they can fill in their "new" track and others can see how they are going to fill in the spots in the understudy's original track. Clear as mud, right?

Today I spent about an hour and a half going through the script tracking all 13 performers. Jesus has the easiest track -he never has to be anyone but Jesus, no quickie costume changes for him! However, there are some others that will have to be quick-change artists of the highest degree. (If you saw me in Unbeatable last fall, you get the idea: 15 seconds to be a different person in a different costume, with a whole different character.) And seriously, Jesus will be the only one who's sitting pretty all the time. I was actually three scenes past Pilate when I realized, "uhhh, where is Pilate? who is Pilate? crap, I need Pilate." Probably better for me to have done it in pencil. Lesson learned.

To ease some of my stress, I know mostly how this piece will be cast and that's extremely helpful. However, given the size of our ensemble, we need to fill approximately 4 roles. I'm talking to a friend this week and trying to convince another SATEist who moved back home to NY to come back (she's the reason I was like, "where in the world is Pilate?!" So that leaves two roles to be filled. Feel free to forward suggestions! And if they were of the male persuasion that would be AWESOME because we are heavily laden with chicks. But in all honest, I don't care if they are girls are boys because SATE shows are about bodies in space - not parts.

a new week

I started this blog with such enthusiasm last week, only to have things spiral away from me like water in my hands. Thursday through Saturday were extremely tough as I came to doubt my company, my God and my vision. Now, it takes a LOT for me to lose my poise  - oh, I can get angry, emotional, aggressive  - but I'm talking a full-on "the world is ending" meltdown. Most disturbing was my doubt in God, who I suddenly felt had stopped listening to me, and who clearly didn't want me to create this piece. As unbelieving as that sounds, given the nature of Passion, I most assuredly felt abandoned by the one who had inspired me in the first place. If that's not reason for a meltdown, I don't know what is! You can imagine how dark THOSE hours were! But I soon realized that He does answer prayers, it's just not always the answer we want, when we want them.

Without going into too much detail, I realized the "not now" answer was not "NO." An intervention of sorts occurred and my closest friends came to assist me. I am passionate about theatre - GOOD THEATRE. I revel in the way SATE artists create pieces that take your breath and equilibrium away. I find myself disappointed in theatre that leaves me unmoved. In truth, I have the expectation that every show I go to should be a religious experience, so those two things are completely intertwined for me. My vision of Passion is about this also. Without having a call to worship, an effort to find converts, or degrading any other faiths, I want to develop a piece about the universal themes present in the Passion: relationships between mother and son, friends, a betrayal, a corrupt government, strong arm tactics that can put a man to death when he has done nothing wrong. It is, for me, an ideal marraige of my faith and my calling. Whether or not it is your faith, I have yet to find the person who doesn't know who that man on the cross is and it's a riveting story to tell.

Passion will happen. Not exactly when I wanted it to, but when the timing is right. (Technically, it will most likely be pushed back just a bit to accomplish the vision.) I am so appreciative of the support I have received. I am blessed.

long few days

These last few days have been long and difficult. With a possible hiccup in the venue, things have been on hold. No point in continuing if we don't have a venue. I have been buoyed by dear friends who help me to see the light even as I feel the darkness coming on strong, and for them I am most grateful.

The Passion I envisioned was a concept that includes the show, the music, the audience, the donkey, the lights, the universal themes, but also the venue, the marketing, the press materials, the people in the cast, the audience participation. I understand downsizing and making sacrafices, but how much can be given up before it doesn't resemble what I wanted it to be? And while I am a proponent of "less is more," when the less becomes something I hardly recognize, that's a problem for me. 

I'm really trying to hear what it is I'm supposed to be doing or understand that his answer might be "not now." The obstacles have increased and with a limited number of people, it may not be the time, as sad as that makes me. I hope to start the week either with renewed vigor and steam or with a sense of peace and acceptance that the project will have to be postponed. Stay tuned.

unraveling

Wednesday night - might have lost venue to do scheduling conflict.
Completely overwhelmed. Hours of crying.
Thursday morning realized I might actually have an answer, although initially, not the answer I wanted.
Thursday night - saying things out loud to friends - hard, difficult things - while consuming 3 bottles of wine.
Friday morning, just humming under the headache, was a sense of peace.
Tomorrow and the next day.....
We'll see.

priests and pastors and rabbis, oh my!

Today I am meeting with a priest who was formerly at my church (he's moved to Olivette) for a catch-up and some lunch. Yesterday when I called, the first thing he said to me was, "How's the show going?"

I also heard from the Pastor of the church I'm looking to rent. He got my message and we are definitely chatting today.

Then, I contacted a friend of mine regarding some Jewish customs and if she doesn't have the info for me, she's sending me to a rabbi. Looking to solidify a couple of ritual aspects and making sure I have the Last Supper in the order it would have most likely happened.

Finally, I spoke with my friend Al Fischer - an amazing musician - about getting together and that's scheduled for next Tuesday. I have two projects to talk with Al about but Passion is first on the list!

Thanks to my sister, Caroline, for putting this blog up to her fb friends. And to two friends who called about possibley doing group sales.

With my son not officially enrolled in school yet, I have tapped him to continue helping me with emails for churches. And BTW, I destest those websites where you just fill out a request form and can't seen where it's going, or those who make you open a yahoo account. Just give me the email address. Soon though, all these emails will be put into Constant Contacts database and we can do a lot of marketing without killing a lot of trees.

Wrote on my high school's FB page yesterday and still have to figure out how to update to Fontbonne's alumni dept. Ooh and I found my Agnus Dei music - just stacked somewhere, like I knew it would be.

I am going to try to begin assembling what the ensemble will use for rehearsals, meaning the script but also the music that comes along fairly often. The projections are ready to be made in PowerPoint or however you do that, too. Trying to knock as much technical stuff out of the way - the sooner the better.

I am hoping to complete casting by the beginning of next week. I have feelers out to a couple peeps who've worked with SATE before and would be totally onboard with the way things happen at our rehearsals.

In a side note, I received my American Theatre magazine yesterday** and it was all about different styles of movement: Lecoq, Laban, Suzuki, etc. One sentence that struck me as right on, (and coincidentally, it was how I directed Sarah Kane's 4.48 Psychosis) "People discover themselves in relation to their grasp of the external world. I do not search for deep sources of creativity in psychological memories." I remember not being concerned with Audrey's emotional state as much as I wanted her body to reflect what was happening to her. And that's when people get really drawn in - when they see a picture and it burns in their memory as something wonderful, horrifying, disgusting, whatev. And the ** from before: for whatever reason, I received 3 copies of this issue so I can distribute them to ensemble members! End of side note.

Have a great day!

who's talking to who?

Slight snafu with the real estate agent yesterday. I called her to find out if she'd spoken with the Pastor at the church and she thought I already had. Misunderstanding on my part! They are not doing this for a comminssion though so she's not very motivated. But the phone number she gave me doesn't seem to be working and that concerns me. Hmmmmm.

Looking for the music I bought at Shattingers - Agnus Dei, One Ever Hangs. It's been put SOMEWHERE in the holiday clean-up. Thank goodness the hub never actually throws anything away. He just stacks.

Got out my email and fb letters yesterday. Having 2 meetings about passion. Saturday 1/8 at 10am and Wednesday 1/12 at 7:30. Can you make it?

I decided that I am going to write my high school (Bishop DuBourg) and college (Fontbonne University) alumni programs and alert them to Passion. That's right - Catholic schools for me all the way through my Bachelors degree. New ideas are coming all the time - now I just need time to implement them all. Anyone want to do group sales?

Game On

Today is the first Monday of the New Year and lots of things are going to be moving and shaking!

This week I will finalize the venue for Passion. I will make appointments with Fr. Dolan and the rabbi (consultants) to get all the information I need about the Last Supper meal and then make the artistic decision that supplies the most drama. I will CAST the show and hopefully will be adding two people who've trained with SATE before! I will contact Tim Townsend at the STL Post-Dispatch and get a story about the play.

I have already:  written Judas' monologue, reworked the Last Supper once, composed a letter to friends to help get the word out and created this blog to link to SATE's Facebook page!

The spirit is working through me to keep me motivated and moving forward with this project. Stay tuned for breaking developments!